why and for what do we live?
i guess no one knows.
sleeplessness comes again, i am dying.
lying in my bed,eyes wide-opened,thinking about nothing and everything.
whats wrong with you? a voice heard,why you cant fall asleep?
-ohh,my heart,u know the reasons.
feel unfulfilled? but what is success? having lots of money ?
-no. i never consider money is important. its helpful but not indispensable.
then,are you satisfied with your life?
-i got nothing to complain. at least i got a job,though not well-paid.
but what about your parents, do they feel the same way?
-nope. never. i am so sorry.i dissapointed them. no expectation comes true. but i dont care.
wait. you dont care about that? how could you say something like that? dont you feel selfish?
-i live for myself, not for somebody,neither for my parents.
well well. do you feel lonely ? why you disconnect Christina?
-Christina! i am so sorry. forgive me.
you once loved each other. why separated? just for the reason she is American and you are Chinese?
-i dont know. you know, love from internet to real life is such an illusion.
what about the time you spent with her,you talked all night long, so many words.
-thats why i am suffering insomnia, god damned time differences.
you loved her and still loving her.
-sounds ridiculous. i havent talked to her for half a year. i almost forgot her,its you remind me again.
hahh,tell me why you keep all the e-mails from her.
-ummm..no reason.
aww. how old are you, i forgot it, gosh.
-what do you mean?
have you ever think about matrimony,you are getting older, or you enjoy the single life?
-maybe someday,some place with some girl.
what about Christina,she is such a nice girl,though she is 19,she loves you.
-jesus! leave me alone. i feel headache.
huh? you lied. you are looking for excuse. you are cheating yourself.
-i am irresponsible, i am a liar. is that enough? but what can i do?
listen to me, follow me, i am your heart. never betray the voice from me.
-what would that be? being a crazy one, not considering of others feelings? i am not out of my mind.
but all you have done are not from your heart. which do you prefer, your feelings or its rationality?
-ohh.
silence.